da happz

there 4 things that i need to dial... firstly i needed to survive the first day back at work... with any sorta of mental illness its all about "punking" a situation... especially if it gives you phobias... like what happened last week.  Well i'm glad to say that i DID conquer my fears of sorting the mail and despite it being a huge day with lots o fmail i came through the other end unscathed... plus the weather held out as well... i initially thought i was gonna get drenched and frozen as a result but outside on da bike it was very pleasent. The second demon is of course THING 5... still fighting this illness... bloody balancing act... sometimes a tip toe... sometimes busting through... back on beta blockers to combat any palpitations caused by the anxiety... this of course in turn makes me feel faint when i get anxious cos the beta blockers stop the pulse from increasing to supply the increased workload due to panic.   As i write this i have just had YET ANOTHER panic ...

OMFG!! yeah boi its finally being written up haha.  Having allready sampled OZ ion da form of Sydney i was looking forward to lots of kiting and to be honest major uncertainty due to the rumoured deadlies that live in Queensland waters. Well right from the start i knew that this was gonna be an interesting trip and right from the start i sorta knew that maybe it wasn't gonna be what i thought.  We flew into Brisbane at about 6am Brissy time.  The weather was shocking... lots of wind, rain rain rain but it was a muggy 25 degrees.. remember this is at 6am so ominous signs of the rumoured Queensland heat and humidty.  Sydney got hotter, Auckland got more humid... but Brisbane combined the two into one sweaty package which whilst there made shorts, jandals and singlets the daytime attire... go for a walk and you were bathed in sweat from head to toe... and I LOVED it :P. But that first day didn't stop raining and that rain was deadly... i had flown right inot a disas...

What can i say..... it BACK and back with a vengence.  The fifth installment of panic disorder is now gripping me with fear and sickness.  In a year that so far has been plagued with health problems like severe toothache and severe anxiety huge questions are being asked by myself as to the lifestyle factors that are contributing to this illness. What happened today was the final straw... i was sorting my mail at work.... at a nice clip of speed i mite add as i wanted to get done early today to get ready for Eva's baby shower tonite (which i'm not goin to now cos of this  illness).... i felt panic set in and then felt very faint... shaking, tried to fight it but it just kept coming... then i was called to help out on the extra run and thats when the shit really hit the fan.. only JUST managed to stay standing up and afterwards had to sit down. ppl obviously were very concerned bout me and i obviously couldn't continue sorting.... let alone deliver the mail. This is t...

i'm making great progress with my weight training... able to bench 75kgs now.  My bodyweight now is about 82kgs so only 7kgs seperates my bench and body weight which is good by my standards lol.  i'm also slowly but surely buying tools i need for the big clean.... got me a pair of loppers the other day and have allready out them to good use. i'm trimming the trees in my backyard and now have a good supply of wood coming through.  I'm still battling panic disorder... being weary of not eating sunf becasue at this time of year i'm not keen on getting skinny... which can happen in prolonged panic disorder... in the summer this would be great... but not at this time of year. Andrews wedding the other day was a mixed bag.  The wedding itself was brilliant... good on him. Him and Tania are made for each other.... but where was the food?  on the way to the afterparty i had a bite to eat at Sierra cafe and sorta was worried that it mite mean that i don't eat as much m...

Yeah you can feel it in the air... today was quite chilly which of course was great for doin da mail in.  A cold, clean SW wind... real nice.  Unofrtunately i still have lots of work to do on my kitesurfing gear so no kiting at da mo for me.  I'm still a real lazy bum as i haven't done my Brisbane writeup or many of the kitesessions... i think i've written up all the OZ ones though. Anyway i'm no longer in the flat... it was great for the 2 weeks i was there but bad timing financially as still recovering from my OZ trip... once i get some pennies saved up i may give it another crack as it was fun. I've had several health issues to deal with... firstly of course was the panik attacks which have been causing problems since i've come back from OZ... and secondly i've had more problems with my teeth.... severe toothache was causing major problems last week... so bad infact that i finally decided to take action and get em yanked.  i got one pulled and i'v...