The 4 demons

there 4 things that i need to dial... firstly i needed to survive the first day back at work... with any sorta of mental illness its all about "punking" a situation... especially if it gives you phobias... like what happened last week.  Well i'm glad to say that i DID conquer my fears of sorting the mail and despite it being a huge day with lots o fmail i came through the other end unscathed... plus the weather held out as well... i initially thought i was gonna get drenched and frozen as a result but outside on da bike it was very pleasent.

The second demon is of course THING 5... still fighting this illness... bloody balancing act... sometimes a tip toe... sometimes busting through... back on beta blockers to combat any palpitations caused by the anxiety... this of course in turn makes me feel faint when i get anxious cos the beta blockers stop the pulse from increasing to supply the increased workload due to panic.   As i write this i have just had YET ANOTHER panic attack... had to take my "crazy pill" to calm me down.  Anything and i mean ANYTHING is setting me off... my nervous system is on HYPER alert.

The third demon is of course the blood test that i had last Thursday... yet to get the results.... this will let me know the state of my blood to rule out any physicial illness... also will double as my routine checkup for cholesterol, blood sugar etc... which of course is prob a dangerous time to have it due to anxiety issues if either of those are bad

the forth demon is totally unrelated to my illness... i have this surprise bill to pay... boo hoo.  However it mite not be a bill... will have to enquire about it first before i actually pay it cos it mite be a positive balance as opposed to being in da red lol.

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